


Why Couldn't it Just be a Dream?

by CrowandAngelWings



Series: All of your Imperfections [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Shiro is sick, Terminal Illnesses, adam is a good boyfriend, will add more as series progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:23:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrowandAngelWings/pseuds/CrowandAngelWings
Summary: Shiro hates going to the doctor, he always has, and being ordered there is even worse. After a series of tests and a result that has left his world spinning, he has to adjust to his new life. Adam has been nothing but supportive and accommodating, but Shiro doesn't know if he can put Adam through the difficult years ahead.





	Why Couldn't it Just be a Dream?

Shiro stares at the floor, focused on a particular spot in the out of date patterned carpet. He’s been sitting in this waiting room too long, he can hardly stand it. He shouldn’t even be here, the Garrison just overreacted. So what if he suddenly couldn’t control his arm during a training exercise? He hadn’t slept much the night before, he was stressed, it doesn’t mean anything! He endured a day full of physical and mental tests and his nerves are frayed beyond belief. 

“Hey.” 

Shiro looks over and offers Adam a shaky smile. 

“It’s just going to be a little longer and then we can get out of here. Iverson is going to be so annoyed when the doctor’s don’t find anything and they spent all that money on pointless tests,” Adam murmurs, nudging Shiro with his shoulder. Shiro huffs a quiet laugh and nods. 

“Yeah, you’re right, of course,” Shiro agrees, “You’re always right.” 

Adam reaches out and takes Shiro’s hand in both of his, bringing it to his lips. Adam rarely displays affection in public, meaning Shiro isn’t hiding his worry as well as he wanted to. Shiro nods and takes another deep breath, trying to come back to the moment. Even if something was wrong, the Garrison can cure it. They have the best doctors on the planet readily available, he’ll be fine. Not that it’s anything serious, it was probably just a cramp. 

“Mr. Shirogane?” 

Shiro looks up quickly when the doctor, Dr. Santiago, calls his name. Her face is impassive as Shiro and Adam stand up. Adam doesn’t let go of his hand as they follow the woman down the hall. She leads them to her office and gestures to the two chairs in front of her desk. Adam and Shiro sit down. Dr. Santiago leans forward and sighs. In that one gesture, Shiro’s heart plummets. No. 

“Mr. Shirogane, you are an exceptional pilot and brilliant addition to the Garrison staff, I’m well aware of your accomplishments and records,” Dr. Santiago says gently, but Shiro doesn’t care. He knows what sugarcoating sounds like. 

“I’m sorry. Our tests reveal you have a form of muscular dystrophy,” she says and Shiro feels the weight of the diagnosis settle in his chest. 

“What does that mean, exactly?” Adam asks, but Shiro can barely hear him. 

“Mr. Shirogane has a genetic condition. Over time, his skeletal muscles will weaken and atrophy.” 

“How do we cure him?” 

“Mr. W-“ 

“No, don’t try to placate me,,” Adam snaps, surprising Shiro. Adam never raises his voice. “How do we cure it?” 

“We.. can’t. There are treatment options that can-“ 

“How long?” Shiro interrupts Adam and Dr. Santiago, both of them looking at him apprehensively. 

“How long do I have?” 

“With treatment-“ 

“No, how long do I have? Don’t sugar coat anything, I can take it.” 

“Two to three years, maximum,” Dr. Santiago sighs and Shiro can feel Adam stiffen next to him. 

“We can begin physical therapy immediately to push back the timeline. There are new techniques that send small electrical impulses from bracelets on your wrists to your muscles that have been proven to prolong your best quality of life and staying in shape helps…” Dr. Santiago continues to speak, but Shiro hardly hears her. 

Three years. That’s all he has left. That’s… that can’t be true. Shiro looks up at Adam, looking at him talk to Dr. Santiago, but not hearing a word. Adam. He has three years. He was planning on a lifetime with Adam. Well, three years were now a lifetime. Shiro laughs and shakes his head, interrupting the conversation. He lets go of Adam’s hand and leaves. He hears Adam call his name, but not much else. It doesn’t matter. He can’t deal with all of this right now. It can’t be real. He can’t only have three years. There’s so much he hasn’t done yet. Exploring space, pushing the boundaries, he only has three years to go on missions that are still decades away from happening. He walks outside, beginning to panic. He can’t die. What about Adam? Oh God, what about Keith? Shiro sits down on a bench and buries his face in his hands, trying to stop hyperventilating. No. The tests are wrong. The doctor’s misdiagnosed him. It’s not real. He’s having a nightmare. A touch on his shoulder makes Shiro flinch violently and he looks up. Adam looks at him, full of concern. 

“Takashi?” Adam says softly. 

Shiro just looks up, searching for some kind of answer in Adam’s face, some kind of sign that he is imagining all this. Instead, all he sees is vulnerability. Shiro chokes back a sob, but Adam kneels on the ground in front of him and pulls him into a hug. Shiro freezes for a moment before clinging onto Adam, burying his face in Adam’s shoulder. He takes shuddering breaths, trying not to cry. 

“I’m here,” Adam murmurs, “I’m not leaving you. We’re going to get through this together.” Adam promises but Shiro’s stomach churns. He can’t put Adam through this. Three years of normalcy before his body starts to break down until he’s weak, bedridden, and helpless. He is not going to put Adam through that. Adam… Adam is his everything. Shiro would do anything for his happiness and he has his whole life in front of him. He shouldn’t be tied down to a cripple. Shiro leans back and takes a shaky breath, his hands on Adam’s shoulders. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, shaking his head. 

“Don’t apologize,” Adam says quickly, “this is a… normal reaction. I think.” 

Shiro laughs humorlessly and leans back. “Can we just go home?” Shiro asks, wiping his nose. 

“Of course, but can you put these on for me first?” Adam asks and Shiro looks at the bracelets in Adam’s hands. The small button and tiny flashing light catch his attention. 

“You’re supposed to push the button whenever you feel like you’re getting sore or tired,” Adam explains, carefully taking Shiro’s wrists and clipping the bracelets on. 

“They’ll send an electrical impulse to stimulate your muscles.They won’t hurt, Dr. Santiago promised me that, and they’re one of the most effective treatments we have,” he assures and Shiro stares at the bracelets. They feel like handcuffs. A reminder he has three years, except he wishes his sentence was longer. 

Adam drives them home, Shiro is in no shape to drive, and it’s the longest drive of Shiro’s life. It’s silent and the couple of glances Shiro sneaks of Adam, Adam is sitting straight up and focused completely on the road. Shiro has to look away after a moment. It’s not fair. Adam… Adam shouldn’t have to go through all of this. He shouldn’t be burdened with Shiro and his illness. But Shiro is selfish. He doesn’t want to leave Adam, the one man who has always been there for him, the man who has become Shiro;s everything. But Shiro wants Adam to be happy. He’s not allowed to be selfish. They get to the Garrison and exit the car in silence. Shiro glances at Adam as Adam swipes them both into the facility. They walk down the hallway in silence, the tension growing. 

“Hey, Shiro!” 

Shiro turns around and quickly makes himself smile as Keith runs up the hall to him. 

“Keith! Did you beat my record in the flight simulator yet?” Shiro asks, putting his hands behind his back to hide the bracelets. 

“I’m not even close, you know that,” Keith rolls his eyes, “but it wanted to ask if you wanted to race after my classes!” He says, clearly excited. 

“Oh, um… maybe tomorrow? I’m not feeling great today” Shiro apologizes and he feels Adam tense beside him. 

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Keith demands and Shiro almost smiles at the intense concern. 

“Yeah, I just have a cold,” Shiro assures, his hands clenching into fists behind his back. 

Keith squints at him for a moment before nodding. 

“You look tired. Make sure he rests?” Keith comments before turning to Adam. Shiro glances at Adam, worried about what he’ll say. 

“Of course, it’s part of the boyfriend job” Adam reassures with a smile and Keith nods, glancing at Shiro again. 

“See you tomorrow, I hope you feel better. Bye Adam,” Keith says before turning and walking down the hallway. 

Shiro sighs, deflating, and Adam puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“You’re not going to tell him,” Adam states, rather than questions. 

“No, he doesn’t need to worry,” Shiro says heavily. He reaches out to take Adam’s hand, needing the support despite their usual no PDA outside of their rooms. Adam bites his lip, but he doesn’t say anything. Shiro hates that. Adam would usually argue and try to persuade Shiro to talk to Keith more, to let him in, but Shiro knows Adam is holding back because of his diagnosis. Shiro grits his teeth and tugs on Adam’s hand to get him walking again. He can’t cope with this. How are you supposed to live knowing you have three years? 

The door to their room opens and, by then, Shiro has a plan. Three years. He’s going to live the hell out of those three years. The door to the room barely closes and Shiro turns and crowds Adam against it. 

“Takashi, what-“ 

“Just kiss me,” Shiro wants to growl, but it comes out more desperate. Shiro leans forward and kisses Adam hard. Adam seems tense, but he relaxes a little as Shiro leans on him more. Shiro needs this. He needs some normalcy, something constant, and Adam has always been that. He needs to be distracted. Shiro moans hotly into Adam’s mouth, nipping on Adam’s bottom ip to open his mouth and he runs his tongue over Adam’s lower lip. Adam gasps in surprise, giving Shiro the opportunity to push his tongue farther into Adam’s mouth. 

“T-Takashi-“ Adam groans, making Shiro grin, but Adam puts his hands on Shiro’s shoulders, pushing him back. 

“Adam,” Shiro groans, hands slipping down to Adam’s hips before moving around to Adam’s belt, trying to unbuckle it. 

“Takashi, stop,” Adam says and Shiro freezes. 

“Why? Adam, cmon,” Shiro laughs nervously, his hands beginning to move again, “you’ve never turned me down before,” he points out, sinking to his knees. 

“I said no, Takashi,” Adam says more forcefully, grabbing Shiro’s wrists and pulling them away from his belt. 

“Adam, please,” Shiro says, suddenly desperate. 

“No, Takashi, listen to me,” Adam sinks to his knees across from Shiro, letting his hands go and holding his face. Shiro didn’t realize he was shaking until he moves his hands to Adam’s shoulders. 

“I… I don’t want to be your distraction,” Adam murmurs and Shiro feels guilt sink in his chest. “I love you, and I know you… and you don’t want this, you just don’t want to think.” 

“Is that wrong? I just found out I’m going to die, I don’t want to think about it,” Shiro laughs humorlessly. Adam bites his lip nervously. 

“That’s… Takashi, we need to talk about this, you can’t just push aside what you’re feeling, especially right now,” Adam encourages but Shiro shakes his head. 

“I’m going to die. My muscles are going to die and whither into nothing until my lungs can’t inflate anymore. And it’s going to happen soon, can we please stop talking about it?” Shiro asks, trying to scoot closer to kiss Adam, but Adam stops him. 

“You’re scared,” Adam says firmly and Shiro stills. 

“Of course I’m scared! Imagine being told you have three years to live,” Shiro says harshly. 

“The love of my life has a terminal illness, I’m plenty scared,” Adam says quietly and Shiro winces. 

“I… Im sorry,” Shiro mumbles, looking down. 

“Don’t apologize, but forgive me for not being in the mood,” Adam says dryly, making Shiro feel even more guilty. 

“I..I dont know… it doesn’t feel real,” Shiro admits, “Like.. it’s a joke,” He laughs, looking down. 

“I know, it’s…. It’s a lot to process,” Adam says softly and Shiro starts to shake. Adam addressing it makes it real too. The cuffs on his wrists make it real. Shiro feels his body tremble and go weak. He slumps forward, bracing to hit Adam, but Adam catches him and carefully lowers him against his chest. Shiro closes his eyes, trying to fight tears, as Adam feels for his wrist and presses the button. Shiro gasps and stiffens, but his body quickly relaxes and moves. He holds onto Adam tightly as tears begin to seep out from behind his closed eyes. 

“I’ve got you,” Adam murmurs as Shiro lets out a shuddering sob. Once Shiro starts, he can’t stop. He’s shaking, crying, and sobbing loudly in Adam’s arms. Adam rubs his back and rocks him softly, whispering comforts, but Shiro can’t hear him. 

Shiro has no idea how long he cries for, but eventually he simply can’t cry anymore. He still sobs, but he can cry. He swallows heavily and takes several shaky breaths, trying to calm himself down. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Adam murmurs and Shiro nods against Adam’s chest. 

“S-sorry,” Shiro croaks, wincing at how weak his voice sounds. 

“No, don’t apologize, it’s okay, you can cry,” Adam assures, “it let me cry too,” he admits. Shiro sits up, holding himself up on Adam’s shoulders, looking at the tear stains running down Adam’s cheeks. Shiro frowns and carefully runs his thumb under Adam’s eye, wiping away another tear. Adam smiles sadly at him. 

“You’re unbelievable,” Adam laughs and takes Shiro’s hand away from his face to kiss his palm, “you’re making sure I’m okay when…” Adam trails off and looks away, guiltily. 

“Of course I’m worried,” Shiro says gently, “I love you,” he says simply and Adam laughs. 

“I love you too,” he says back, looking up slowly. 

Shiro smiles and kisses Adam, this time slowly and without urgency. He tries to put everything he’s feeling into he kiss, apologies, promises, regrets, and so much love. Adam pulls back with a soft smile that Shiro returns. 

“How are you feeling now?” Adam asks and Shiro sighs. 

“Tired, the same,” Shiro admits, but Adam just nods. 

“Let’s go to bed, then, I could use some sleep too,” Adam says and Shiro laughs quietly. 

“It’s early,” Shiro says, glancing at the clock on the bedside table, “It’s only 8.” 

“I’m not against turning in early tonight,” Adam says and Shiro nods gratefully. 

“Thank you,” Shiro says,quietly. 

“Any time, it means I get to have you in bed longer,” Adam jokes and Shiro smiles, genuinely, and stands up. He wobbles on his feet, but he’s sure it’s from the slight dehydration rather than his… disorder. Either way, Adam quickly puts an arm around his waist. Shiro walks over to the bed and Adam helps him sit down. Adam kneels on the floor and unties Shiro’s shoelaces. 

“You’re too good to me, Adam,” Shiro mumbles, struggling to keep his eyes open. He’s too emotionally drained from today to care about his sleepy mumbles. Besides, Adam deserves to hear how grateful Shiro is for him. 

“You’ve got it backwards,” Adam assures, slipping Shiro’s shoes off before helping Shiro lay down. Shiro sighs and pulls the blankets over him, shifting to get comfortable, until Adam gets into bed next to him. After some maneuvering, Shiro rests his head on Adam’s chest, arms wrapped around him tightly. 

“I’ve got you,” Adam murmurs and Shiro closes his eyes as Adam kisses his head. 

“I…” Shiro’s voice becomes too strangled and he cuts himself off. 

“Shh, just close your eyes, Takashi, I’m not going anywhere,” Adam promises and Shiro feels himself begin to shake. Shiro squeezes his hands into fists and nods, even though he’s afraid. He doesn’t want Adam to stay with him. He wants Adam to be happy and there’s no way Adam can have the life he deserves with Shiro. He takes a couple of deep breaths, forcing his shaking away. Anxiety rather than muscle failure. That’s hardly better. 

“I love you, I’m here for you, just rest,” Adam soothes, running his fingers through Shiro’s hair. Shiro closes his eyes and tries to relax. Adam deserves better, there’s no doubt, but Shiro is selfish. He doesn’t want to be alone, especially not right now. He just wants to be held, comforted, and allowed to forget that his world has completely turned upside down in the span of a day. Shiro takes a shaky breath and gradually forces his muscles to relax. He sinks against Adam and takes a final, deep, breath before sleep washes over him.


End file.
